IF I WERE YOUR KING

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LAWS CONCERNING EDUCATION

It is, in fact, nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of instruction have not entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry” - Albert Einstein

At The Current Pace We’re FlUnKED!

     “F” is for FLUNK! And that is the grade level our education system is performing at according to my royal scoring system.

     According to a 2003 study conducted by UNICEF that took the averages from five different international education studies, the researchers ranked the United States No. 18 out of 24 nations in terms of the relative effectiveness of its educational system.

     Another prominent 2003 study, Trends in International Mathematics and Science Study, (TIMSS) shows a steady decline in the performance of American students from grades 4 to 12 in comparison to their peers in other countries.

     Does it make you proud to know that our children rank below Latvia, Lithuania, and Belgium-Flemish (isn’t that what you cough up when you’re sick?) on math scores? Maybe some of you are taking consolation that we ranked directly above Latvia and Hungary in science.

As your knowledgeable King I have nothing against those other fine kingdoms but let’s get a royal grip here. When the world thinks of its most developed and educated nations we usually rate somewhere up there in the top 10!

Don't we..?

     According to the official Whitehouse website, the discretionary budget for education in this country was over fifty-seven billion dollars in the year 2005! That is more than most continents spend on education. Did you catch that? Continents, not countries!

What, where, and how do we spend all that money? And just what are we getting in return?

Wake up my serfs! The level at which your children learn the important subjects in school will be directly proportional to our level of influence and importance as a mighty kingdom of this earth for generations to come.

     Math and science is where it matters most in my majestic opinion and their importance should be conveyed at the earliest levels - Kindergarten through 8th Grade. Both of those can and should be taught in an engaging and fascinating environment. If our youngsters begin their learning adventure with an appreciation for those subjects, their later scholastic years will become much more rewarding and much less anxious.

This does not mean that I am commanding that our kingdom’s little subalterns strive to become Einsteins, Edisons, Fermis, Hawkings, Newtons, Galileos, Sagans, Vulcans or any other out of this world genius.

I am commanding that our education system be revamped starting at the Grade School level.

Here are the basics of my Education Laws:

First of all, school needs to be FUN. The definition of school as defined by the Merriam-Webster online dictionary: an organization that provides instruction: an institution for the teaching of children.

I had my royal researchers scour the references and nowhere did any definitions of any dictionary even once mention that school was supposed to be an un-fun experience.

     Secondly, school curriculums need to be interactive. IN-TER-ACT-I've!

It has been proven over and over that doing is far more effective for retentive learning than just reading and/or hearing. Effective and enjoyable interactive learning is a must, and kids will have fun doing it.

     Why is it, do you reckon, so many kids dread going to school every morning? Maybe it is because we have turned the experiences of learning into a robotic treadmill that the majority of students do not excel within, and long to step off of at the earliest possible convenience. The royal eraser has spoken and the royal chalk is ready to write.

A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others” - Author Unknown

1.      Our teachers shall make each and every semester a new and fruitful experience for their students.

a. My Laws will provide the necessary resources so teachers need only concern themselves with stirring up their creative juices and setting about the task of dreaming up ways to bring some fun into the learning mix. C’mon, it’ll be fun!


“The willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life is the source from which self-respect springs” – Joan Didian

Teaching Responsibility

                When I was a little prince, there were a small number of kids each year in school that flunked the grades they attended. They were held back to repeat that grade because they didn’t pass their exams. They did not turn into axe murderers or serial killers. In the majority of cases, they tried harder so the next year they were not the only kid in 4th grade with a mustache that drove to school in their own car!

     It is time to stop making excuses for our students and high time we start teaching them that there are rewards and consequences for their actions in life.

No Child Left Behind sounds great concept in principle; the quandary is that many kids these days don’t even respect their teachers, so how can we expect them to honor principles?

1.      Our students shall pass their tests.

a. Our kids need to accept consequences and responsibility needs to start at an early age. There will be no getting away from it in school.

                  i.   Before you start thinking about which brand of aftershave to buy Junior for his first day of school, read on.



“While television is primarily about our leisure time, the Internet is already transforming work, school, and play” - Jeffrey Cole

Connected Kids

     Having kids sit at dilapidated desks laboring over dog-eared (and in many cases outdated) textbooks is simply medieval. I have many books in the castle and love to read them. It is however, the royal opinion that computer learning has many advantages over printed texts and reference materials as long as the referenced information is verified and true to fact. The largest open source of up-to-date knowledge on earth is basically free! It is to our kingdom’s benefit to have students connected, networked, interested, and involved. If it is via a modem so be it. We live in a computerized world, get used to the idea.

1.      There will be Internet access for ALL school kids at ALL schools in our kingdom.

2.     There shall be a connected laptop computer for every desk which is the student’s to use whenever they wish to plug in and learn.

a. Don’t worry parents; I have commanded my royal IT department to filter out undesirable content and to prohibit our little subjects from entering evil chat rooms and online dungeons while using their school issued computer.

                  i.   This task will prove much easier in the long run than keeping kids from tearing pieces of pages from their books and shooting spitballs at the ceiling while the teacher is not looking.

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LAWS CONCERNING

POLITICIANS AND POLITICS


Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. That this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom - and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth” - Abraham Lincoln


          Never have so few words been strung together into tenets that effected so many.



“Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and "tics" meaning “bloodsucking creatures” - Robin Williams

Politicians

     Have you entirely forgotten those statements by Mr. Lincoln, my flock? What happened? How did we get from there to here in only six score and a couple years?

     How did we go from a “government of the people, by the people, for the people” into a regime that has become a grotesque, all-consuming, corrupted ogre whose interests are so outwardly self-serving that the common citizen has lost nearly all hope and expectation of change for the better? Where are you Honest Abe?

     Your King has had it up to here! How in Heaven’s name is a kingdom supposed to come together and unite in the pursuit of a better life for all its subjects when the vast majority has little or no confidence in the leadership? Answer: You aren’t. Not if your elected officials have any say so about it.

     According to a poll taken by the Council for Excellence in Government, a nonpartisan group working to improve the effectiveness of government, only about one in five Americans had any confidence in their federal government and only about a third had any confidence in their local and state level governments.

Let’s put it another way; 4 OUT OF 5 OF YOU DO NOT HAVE CONFIDENCE IN THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT YOU ELECTED!

Remember folks, this country is yours; “a government for the people”.

     There’s more. The poll also showed that 47 percent of the respondents believed the federal government is an obstacle to realizing the American dream. And 63 percent of those polled said politicians pursue their own agenda at the expense of serving the people.

     Is your King getting through to you cowering serfs yet? In this kingdom (whose government is supposed to be of you, by you, and for you) you are getting the royal shaft! Almost half of you think your own government is against you realizing your own dream, and over sixty percent of you think your elected officials are pursuing their own agendas (their dreams) at your expense! What’s going on here? Have the monkeys completely taken over the zoo?

     More than three out of every four people polled said the federal government could be more effective if it were better managed. OK, let me get this straight. Seventy five percent of you think your kingdom’s government could be run better?

Well now, just who in heck are the three out of four of you that voted for those monkeys anyway? Don’t you suppose if that three fourth’s of you voted for representatives that actually represented you, this wouldn’t be an issue?

     One last thing that has me scratching the royal scalp.

When asked to name two or three government successes of the past 30 years, 42 percent of the respondents could not even name one. What? Are you kidding me? Almost half of you sheep cannot name one success of your government in the last 30 years and you still haven’t done anything about it? Do the names George Washington, Paul Revere, or Alexander Hamilton mean anything to you? How about The Minutemen? The Boston Tea Party? The Declaration of Independence? What is that you say? Baa baa baa.   

     Before I set about extricating your bleating selves, from the quagmire you have so pitifully been wallowing in, allow me to point out a few lines from that sacred document to which I just referred. Yes, I am talking about The Declaration of Independence, your Independence.

It is upon that hallowed parchment the words were written that gave this great kingdom its resolve to break away from the tyranny of England. If you pay attention here, you just might see some parallels with the injustices of that time and your own present lives.

     For your benefit I have provided the main body of declarations below and highlighted in bold a few phrases that pertain to you; “the governed”. Please read, then read again.

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776

The unanimous Declaration of The Thirteen United States of America

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

OK my minions, I’ll break it down for you.

1. The first bold lines state that in the event it becomes necessary (like when your government has run amok!), you should dissolve the political bands (yoo hoo Washington!) connecting you to them.

2. The second set of bold lines tell you that you have certain inalienable rights and to secure those rights you have instituted a government which derives its powers from you, the “governed”! (Not the other way around, get it?) And that if any form of that government becomes destructive it is THE RIGHT OF THE PEOPLE to alter it or abolish it and institute a NEW government.

3. The third bold lines explicitly tells you it is YOUR RIGHT AND YOUR DUTY to throw out the existing government and assign a new guard to uphold your rights if the current government is abusing and usurping its powers.

a. According to the Council for Excellence in Government poll and many others like it, this is exactly what you subjects believe your government is doing!

"Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.” — George Bernard Shaw

Red, White, or YOU?

     Please explain something to me, your Lord. Why is it during every major election my subjects are subject to a myriad of political analysts displaying maps of my kingdom’s states broken down into “red states” and “blue” states”, with predictions for what politician is expected to win which? Is it because the voters in those states are red? Or blue?

     No my misrepresented minions, it is a blatant example of how this kingdom’s political machine has evolved into a two party system of politically misdirected loyalty and servitude. Oh so you think your politicians should be loyal and serve your interests?

Silly serfs, I am NOT talking about you! I am talking about their allegiances to their masters; those “movers and shakers” who get them elected and to whom they are beholden to once in office.

So who is it, that they represent, you naively ask. Hint: it is not the minion in the mirror you see every morning.

1.            All elected officials shall represent the voters.

a. This does not change once in office. At all times they shall be answerable to their constituency.

b. From the President on down, politicians still work for those who put them there.

                       i.   Don’t forget it! The same citizens who voted you in can vote you out during term.

2.           Regardless of designated term, all elected officials, including the office of President, shall have their positions reviewed on an annual basis.

a. There shall be a system implemented whereby the voters will have the opportunity to annually rate their elected officials and have their voices heard.

b. On the anniversary of each election there will be a two week time frame whereby voters will have the opportunity to review and vote on the performance of their representatives in office and have those votes recognized.

c. Every elected official will have their accomplishments in office, Bill proposals, voting records, voting positions, attendance records, spending records, travel records, annual budget, criminal infractions, ethics infractions, political affiliations, donations, donors, staff members, prior voter ratings, and any other information pertinent to their office mailed out and also published on a website for all to see.

                       i.   Third party citizen groups will be created to publish the information and verify the accuracy thereof.

d. Citizens will be able to place their votes using either a mail-in ballot or an online voting process, using secured websites capable of creating unique digital signatures for each voter.

                       i.   Voters will be responsible for reviewing the representative’s published website as a reference to guide their voting decisions.

e. Only those constituents who have registered and voted will have the opportunity to rate their elected officials.

f. Elected officials performances in office will be rated by the voters using this process. The cumulative voting record will be translated into a rating score of; approval, disapproval, or neutral.

g. Every representative’s rating shall be posted on their website and also mailed out to the voters within their jurisdiction.

                       i.   The ballot and record of the President shall be mailed to all voters and be available online.

3.            Any elected official whose disapproval rating exceeds 66% (sixty six percent) during the annual review shall be subject to a special vote which may lead to immediate removal from office by the voters.

a. The voters will be notified of any representative whose disapproval rating exceeds the sixty six percent thresholds.

b. Upon notification, the voters will have the opportunity to recast their votes whereby they can change their vote or petition for removal of the representative.

                       i.   In a case whereby the voters call for removal, the candidate for that office with the second highest vote total during the regular election will be chosen as an immediate replacement.

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Table of Contents 

A COMMON KING.. 6

Royal Laws of My Reign. 7

A Clean Slate. 8

LAWS REGARDING OUR KINGDOM... 10

INTERNAL AFFAIRS. 10

LAWS CONCERNING EDUCATION.. 11

At The Current Pace We’re FlUnKED! 11

Teaching Responsibility. 15

Connected Kids. 16

Junk In Junk Out 18

Educating Educators.

It All Starts At Home. 24

Rich Kids, Poor Kids. 29

The Price OF Education. 31

LAWS CONCERNING YOUR MONEY.. 36

A Balanced Budget 36

The National Debt 39

The Currency. 42

The Federal Reserve. 43

Consumer Debt

Taxes. 53

No More Monkey Business. 54

The IRS.

LAWS CITIZEN SERVICES. 66

Social Security. 69

Healthcare.

The FDA.. 78

Pharmacists. 83

Welfare. 86

Unemployment 92

Retirement 93

LAWS CONCERNING POLITICIANS AND POLITICS. 104

Politicians. 105

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776. 108

Red, White, or You?. 110

An Incumbent Joke. 118

Political Corruption. 120

Political Power. 122

Veto Power. 125

Presidential Pardons. 126

Self Serving Law.. 129

Lobbyists. 135

LAWS CONCERNING RELIGION.. 141

LAWS CONCERNING LAWS AND LAWYERS. 14

As Far As I Can Throw You. 143

Laws for Lawyers. 145

A Country Named Sue. 147

Innocence and Guilt 155

Stop the Madness. 158

Citizen Rights vs. Criminal Rights. 157

Judge Ye Not Lest Ye Be Judged. 162

LAWS CONCERNING GOVERNMENT CONTROL.. 166

Tag, You’re It 166

Nature’s Tags. 170

The Patriot Act 171

Guncontrollable. 173

LAWS CONCERNING CRIME AND PUNISHMENT.. 177

Who Is Policing The Police?. 177

The Prison System: Show Me The Money. 180

The People Pound. 184

Who’s Guarding the Guards?. 194

Drug Laws - Show Me The Money - Part II. 197

The Death Penalty. 202

Child Molestation, Child Predation, and Child Murder. 205

Murder. 207

Rape. 208

Theft 209

Organized Crime and Gangs. 211

LAWS CONCERNING TRAFFIC.. 214

Traffic Court 214

The Highwaymen. 216

Quotas. 217

High Speed Pursuit 218

Carpool Lanes. 220

Toll Roads. 221

Traffic Accident Protocol 223

Handicapped Parking. 225

Driver’s Licenses. 226

LAWS CONCERNING BUSINESS. 228

Big Oil 228

Utility Companies. 237

Publicly Held Corporations. 242

Executive Excess. 246

Private Business. 251

Labor Unions. 252

Sales Commissions. 256

Realtors. 257

Stock Brokers. 26

Financial Planners. 271

The Insurance Game. 273

Overdevelopment 276

LAWS CONCERNING LIVING IN THE KINGDOM... 280

The Melting Pot 280

Speak-a My Language. 283

Freedom of Speech and Expression. 286

The American Flag. 289

See No Evil 290

Alien Nation. 291

Department of Homeland Security. 298

Diplomatic Immunity. 302

Owning Property In The Kingdom.. 306

In God We Trust 307

LAWS CONCERNING THE MILITARY.. 309

The REAL Freedom Fighters. 309

A Uniform Disgrace. 311

The Poor Soldier. 311

Military Veteran Benefits. 316

LAWS CONCERNING THE MISCELLANY.. 31

Children’s Rights. 319

A Smack In Time, Saves Nine. 320

Hollyweird. 324

Actor Salaries. 324

On-Air Celebrity Opinions. 327

Sports. 328

The Corporatization of Sports. 328

Commentercials. 330

Announcer Equality. 331

Professional Athlete Salaries. 332

Signing Bonuses. 334

Play Fair or Pay Dear. 335

THE NCAA.. 337

Network News. 340

Somebody Stole Me. 342

Whose List Are YOU On?. 346

I Love You Money...I Mean Honey. 352

Billboards. 355

Professional Appointments. 356

Copyrights and Copywrongs. 357

You Are What You Eat 361

LAWS REGARDING OTHER KINGDOMS. 372

EXTERNAL AFFAIRS. 370

LAWS CONCERNING TRADE AND JOBS. 373

A Bad Trade. 373

If I Had A Hammer. 377

A Source of Concern. 382

When More Is Less. 386

LAWS CONCERNING RELIGION.. 392

Your God Is NOT Better Than Our God. 392

LAWS CONCERNING POLITICS. 394

The World Police. 394

Spreading The Gospel Of Democracy. 397

The UN - With Friends Like That.. 399

Gifts For Thy Neighbor. 402

Don’t Talk To Me. 404

LAWS CONCERNING WAR.. 406

The Politics of War. 406

Make War Not Love. 407

War In General 408

Fighting To Win. 409

An Expensive Board Game. 412

The War On Terror. 416

LAWS CONCERNING QUIRKY NEIGHBORS. 420

Is Castro Really An InFidel?. 420

What To Do About Lil’ Kim.. 422

Little Brother. 424

A DAY’S WORK DONE.. 428

Seize The Day. 428

King’s Final Note  431

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